Monday, July 27, 2009

It's Official

Okay. Maybe I can be a real blogger. I just figured out how to get a cute background. That's all you really need to be successful at this, right?

So, now that my blog is cute, maybe I can let someone read it.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

My Big Secret

So, this is kind of funny. I've started this silly blog, but I'm too shy to actually let anyone know about it. I was already so vulnerable in my first post, that I don't want anyone reading it, even my husband (especially that last line). I wonder if or when I'll let the cat out of the bag. But I'm also too embarrassed to tell anyone about it, because that would seem like assuming that they might want to read it. And who would really be interested? Oh, the risk of rejection is almost too much to handle. I think I have some serious issues I need to address.

I have become a fairly addicted blog reader myself, which is another reason I want to keep this to myself. I'm horrible at comparing myself to others in every way, so why would my blog be any different? I read some that are funny, which I aspire to be, but know I'm not. I read many that are inspiring, but they are really just depressing to me because I know I am nowhere close to being as godly a person as many of these other people are. Many, in addition to being inspiring, are about people who have faced or are facing horrible tragedy. Obviously, I don't want that to describe me. Am I bringing disaster on my family by starting this thing?

And here I am exposing my neurotic self! I seem to have several choices to make. (Have I mentioned I'm a horrible decision-maker?) First of all, do I continue to be my real, unfunny, slightly depressing, pessimistic, neurotic self in my posts or do I pretend to be a slightly amusing, always happy, wisdom-enfused woman who is a fabulous mother and an always helpful and submissive wife? Hmmm... Secondly, do I give my family members creative and quirky blog names or do I save myself the stress and brain-power of trying to come up with something creative and quirky and just use their real names? Thirdly (is that a word?), do I ever reveal my deep, dark secret that I am a blogger, letting people peer into the dark recesses of my sometimes scary mind (assuming anyone ever would) or do I use this as my personal journal that allows me to avoid hand cramps? Decisions, decisions. Maybe I should do a poll of my readers. But wait...I suppose I would need at least one reader for that.

Oh, the problems that come with starting a blog. That's just what I needed, something else to stress about. I'm going to take some time to rethink this whole thing. Or maybe I'll just eat breakfast.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Beginning...

I'm not sure why I'm starting a blog. Because it's a popular thing to do? Not really. I figure there are already so many blogs out there that who is left to read all of them? Because I have a fabulously interesting life that the world simply MUST know about? Not hardly. I'm pretty much one of the most boring people I know with a rather mundane life. (Not that that's a bad thing.) Because I have so much extra time that I just don't know what to do with it? A big NO! Having 3 young children, one of whom is quite fond of behaving like a monkey whenever he's not sleeping, plus various other time-consuming activities in my life, I am already up until midnight or later most nights. Because I have people lined up, waiting with baited breath to hear the next brilliant thing to come out of my brain? Um, no. I'm not even sure anyone will read this at all (and certain none of it will be brilliant), although my friend Kerrie assures me she will read it. Thanks, Kerrie!

So, why? I'll just say that God keeps bringing it to my mind lately, and finally, just now, I feel truly compelled to do it. I may be on the verge of Him bringing about some big changes in my life, and I would like to have my experiences documented to share with my children one day. That way, I can prove to them that their father and I did have reasons for decisions we made and did love them despite our many failings each and every day. So, for the children. That doesn't sound cliche, does it? That, and it's just easier to type than write all of this by hand in a journal. I'm so long-winded that my hand just can't take it.

As I stand full of doubt looking into a big, scary, unknown future, I find comfort in God's Word. In Luke 7:18-19, we find John the Baptist, "the greatest among those born of women," just checking with Jesus to see if He really was who John thought He was. Let's face it. We can all relate to John. Sometimes following Jesus just seems to make no sense at all. We wonder if we've spent all this time and energy following the wrong guy. Because He doesn't make sense. In verse 23, Jesus says, "Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." He knew that the life He lived just didn't fit with our concept of a King, and the life He calls us to live just doesn't fit the definition of success we are taught by the world. And, the great thing is, He didn't rebuke John. He just reminded John of who He is and what He has done and is doing. Thank you, Jesus, for gently reminding me that You are Who You say You are, even when it doesn't seem like it from my point of view.

So, as we consider possibilities for our lives that seem ridiculous from a worldly point of view, Jesus is gently and faithfully reminding us that He is Lord, that "God's way is right" (verse 29), and that following Him is always the best thing we can do. Toward the end of the passage in Luke, in verse 30, you get a glimpse of the Pharisees. (Poor guys. They really are always getting drug through the dirt. Okay, they deserve it, but still.) And the phrase that describes them is those who "rejected God's purpose for themselves." I don't want to go down in history as the one who rejected God's purpose for my life because I had my own agenda. But, wow, sometimes I think my agenda is pretty good and He should take note of it. However, He quickly reminds me that I am only a wretched, fallen, foolish woman who would be nothing without the love and grace of Jesus Christ. So, I follow the One who loves me so. Many times I fall, wander, or just stop in my tracks, but eventually I continue to follow. Wherever He leads...whether it's into blogland or to the ends of the earth. (Yikes! Did I just say that?)