The Real Deal
I have missed my little blog. My life has been overrun by tadpoles and laundry, once again, but the lazy days of summer are ahead, and one of my goals is to be more devoted to my little blog. I don't know what motivates me to do this. It seems pointless most days as my grandiose dreams of being a famous blogger seem about as likely to come true as my hopes of sprouting wings and learning to fly. But it feels good to spill my thoughts out on paper computer. And, as with many things, I wonder if God has a purpose in it that is completely unevident to me. So, I blog on.
In my busyness, I've missed posts on so many fun events like Easter, my sixth 29th birthday, Mother's Day and sweet Madeleine's birthday. Those are to follow because, let's face it, about the best things I have to offer on here are cute pictures of my kids. And Maddie's party was so amazing that it must be made known to the world.
But, first, as the days fly by and I try uselessly to grab them and hold them still, my heart as a parent is in frantic mode. Maddie just turned nine years old, and for some reason, this has been a hard one for me to swallow. I say "for some reason" like I don't know what the reason is. I know exactly what it is. My one and only daughter is halfway to being grown and ready to leave our chaotic, not-as-clean-as-it-used-to-be nest. I am so close to needing to grab my paper sack to avoid hyperventilating. The "formative years" are passing us by, and I'm not sure what we've formed.
Now, this will be hard to believe, coming from such a laid back, worry-free person (who laughed?), but the thought of this threatens to overwhelm me. You see, there are so many things I do wrong as a parent. I have this teensy tendency to lose my temper. I put way too much emphasis on a clean house and a well-manicured lawn. I might be a little disappointed when little people bring home grades lower than a 98. I am terrible at putting aside work for fun. I am stingy with smiles and hugs and praise and generous with criticism and commands.
God is shaping me in many of those areas, but I realize I will not master most of them before Sam turns 18. I will never be perfect and will continue to make mistakes on a pretty regular basis. The day will inevitably come when I look back and kick myself for not leaving the gunk in the shower and the crumbs on the floor and going outside to push my kids on the swing. I’ll wish I gave more hugs and kissed more booboos instead of telling them to suck it up. (I don’t know. I really don’t want big whiny babies.)
But there is one thing that I cannot stand the thought of living with regret over. I never want it to be said that I’ve lived my life in such a way that I’ve caused them to turn away from Christ. I once thought the key to this was having them memorize ginormous passages of Scripture (which we do, be it ever so slowly) or reading the Bible with them everyday (which we do…on most days) or helping them to see life from a spiritual standpoint (which we do when we’re not telling them to please be quiet because we can’t stand another moment of all this screaming and chaos).
These are all very important things, but I’m starting to think the key to it all is just being real…with them and in front of them. I have to let them see the inner workings of my life with Christ…the good days and the bad, the obedience and the sin, the praising and the crying. I have to let them see that it’s not about never making a mistake, it’s what you do with that mistake and how you make it right with God and others. It’s letting them see my dependence on God in my weak moments…in every moment. It’s about showing exactly how to follow Jesus while stuck in a sinful body in a sinful world. It’s about living out grace right in front of their little noses.
So, while I seek to be closer to perfect than I was yesterday, I will also seek to be real. To ask for forgiveness, admit to my faults and show them why we need a Savior at all. I will seek to show them that I am indeed in need of grace, and I know the One who gives it.
In my busyness, I've missed posts on so many fun events like Easter, my sixth 29th birthday, Mother's Day and sweet Madeleine's birthday. Those are to follow because, let's face it, about the best things I have to offer on here are cute pictures of my kids. And Maddie's party was so amazing that it must be made known to the world.
But, first, as the days fly by and I try uselessly to grab them and hold them still, my heart as a parent is in frantic mode. Maddie just turned nine years old, and for some reason, this has been a hard one for me to swallow. I say "for some reason" like I don't know what the reason is. I know exactly what it is. My one and only daughter is halfway to being grown and ready to leave our chaotic, not-as-clean-as-it-used-to-be nest. I am so close to needing to grab my paper sack to avoid hyperventilating. The "formative years" are passing us by, and I'm not sure what we've formed.
Now, this will be hard to believe, coming from such a laid back, worry-free person (who laughed?), but the thought of this threatens to overwhelm me. You see, there are so many things I do wrong as a parent. I have this teensy tendency to lose my temper. I put way too much emphasis on a clean house and a well-manicured lawn. I might be a little disappointed when little people bring home grades lower than a 98. I am terrible at putting aside work for fun. I am stingy with smiles and hugs and praise and generous with criticism and commands.
God is shaping me in many of those areas, but I realize I will not master most of them before Sam turns 18. I will never be perfect and will continue to make mistakes on a pretty regular basis. The day will inevitably come when I look back and kick myself for not leaving the gunk in the shower and the crumbs on the floor and going outside to push my kids on the swing. I’ll wish I gave more hugs and kissed more booboos instead of telling them to suck it up. (I don’t know. I really don’t want big whiny babies.)
But there is one thing that I cannot stand the thought of living with regret over. I never want it to be said that I’ve lived my life in such a way that I’ve caused them to turn away from Christ. I once thought the key to this was having them memorize ginormous passages of Scripture (which we do, be it ever so slowly) or reading the Bible with them everyday (which we do…on most days) or helping them to see life from a spiritual standpoint (which we do when we’re not telling them to please be quiet because we can’t stand another moment of all this screaming and chaos).
These are all very important things, but I’m starting to think the key to it all is just being real…with them and in front of them. I have to let them see the inner workings of my life with Christ…the good days and the bad, the obedience and the sin, the praising and the crying. I have to let them see that it’s not about never making a mistake, it’s what you do with that mistake and how you make it right with God and others. It’s letting them see my dependence on God in my weak moments…in every moment. It’s about showing exactly how to follow Jesus while stuck in a sinful body in a sinful world. It’s about living out grace right in front of their little noses.
So, while I seek to be closer to perfect than I was yesterday, I will also seek to be real. To ask for forgiveness, admit to my faults and show them why we need a Savior at all. I will seek to show them that I am indeed in need of grace, and I know the One who gives it.
What a great reminder. Our time with all these kiddos is so short. For the record, I think all the Bond kids are great!
ReplyDeleteAmy Bond, I love you. You are the real deal and you are showing your children what a real relationship with the one, true God looks like. And it.is.beautiful!
ReplyDelete