What a Week!

Thankfully, I've just about gotten back to normal after our very spiritually stressful trip. Thanks to all of you for checking in on us and praying for us so faithfully. If nothing else, I feel very loved and prayed for, which made the whole honesty and coming to a decision thing a little harder in some respects. Chris and I are the type of people that do not want to disappoint others, but we just had to focus on what God knows, wants, and thinks.

I felt as though everyone (including us) expected something special to happen on our St. Maarten trip. Instead, we came home feeling defeated. Chris was disappointed that God had nothing to say to us (so it seemed) and that he probably would not get to move to a tropical island. I was racked with guilt, feeling as though I'm always the one holding us back and wondering if I was ever really surrendered to the whole possibility in the first place. I felt very far from the Lord and unable to come to Him with what I was feeling. The first few days home were rough in our house, but I woke up on Sunday morning (I think it was) and just told God I couldn't deal with this. Being cut off from fellowship with Him just was not an option, and I pleaded with Him to just make it right. I got out of bed and went to take a peek at my email, where I found the most appropriate and God-sent message from a special friend. (You know who you are.) God just used her words to release me from the guilt of it all and the tears flowed freely.

Being the annoyingly obsessive human being that I am, I am still struggling with the guilt a little and wondering if I screwed everything up and caused us to miss something important in our lives. But I did try to be as open and surrendered as I thought I could ever be to whatever God had for us. It was just like, once we were there just a little while, I slowly withdrew and just did not feel like myself. I'm praying and trusting that God just used that to show us His will and that it wasn't me being a total screw-up. Time will tell, I suppose. We still covet your prayers as we walk this sometimes complicated and frustrating journey.

So, since that drama has died down a little for now, we decided it was time to share some more by announcing the upcoming arrival of our fourth child! I cannot believe I am typing those words. Really. Me? I'm so not a kid person. Yes, it was a surprise, but we appreciate surprises after having to work hard and wait a long time for that first one. This is the phase of pregnancy where I usually fret and worry, but I'm just not going to do that this time. There's no point. So, we hope to welcome a sweet baby girl - I mean, baby Bond - into our home in October. And we're praying feverishly that Luke will release his death-like grip on his mama by then. He does not like to share me. Who would have thought the third child would think the world revolves around him?

To top off this week of decisions and fun announcements, we're headed to Disney World. We like to cram all of our excitement into a compact two week period and take the rest of the year slow. So, we will set off with three excited kids, four nervous adults, and two vanloads full of junk to see "Mickey's House." I am trying to keep my expectations low as far as the kids' behavior and how much stuff we get to do and just enjoy their reactions and go with the flow. We'll see how long that lasts. I mean, I'm such a great go with the flow person. That was obvious from our St. Maarten trip, right? Hopefully we'll return next Saturday with three tired, yet happy, children and four sane adults.

Have a fun spring break (if yours is this week - or I guess you can have a fun one whenever yours is) and we'll see you when we get back. (Because I'm pretty sure I'll be too pooped for blogging this coming week. Well, you never know...)