Bringing the Amazing from the Ordinary
Whew. It was one of those days. One of those days when nothing particularly tragic happened at our house, but a hard day none the less. One of those days where everything seemed way worse or much harder than it actually was. One of those days when it would be easy to end the day defeated, feeling like a failure for needing help (or wanting help) and just plain missing your husband.
I am just an emotional mess. I'm sleep deprived, having spent every night since Chris has been gone wrestling with kiddos...mainly one completely miserable little sicky. And the most exciting moments of my days, the ones where I get texts and calls from Africa, have mostly come at the expense of what little sleep I have been able to steal. I've gotten stressed, lost my temper, agonized over decisions that aren't going to alter eternity (as far as I know), longed for Chris to come home, and felt broken-hearted over the sad stories of people all around me and those on the other side of the world.
But I know it's been so much more physically, emotionally, and spiritually challenging for the fifteen people who are sleep deprived in the midst of challenging circumstances in Africa. While there have been such moments of rejoicing over what God is doing there, I can hear the stress and strain in my husband's voice, even when I'm only "hearing" via text.
Then there is this. This amazing picture. This beautiful picture of these men I will probably never meet who are now in possession of this little contraption that was sitting in my basement this time last week. This picture that just sums it all up. The love of God and His ability to meet every need.
I just cannot believe this is actually happening! It seems so surreal. And yet, I know it's very real, because it's hard and it's costing me something.
Now, I don't want to exaggerate my or my family's sacrifice, because it's miniscule compared to what so many have given. But today, in the midst of the emotional roller coaster of answered prayers, crying toddlers, dreams realized, lives touched in the name of Jesus, temper tantrums, sickness, fighting, struggling, prayers of countless friends, and a dinner provided to a weary momma - I had the thought: "This is what it feels like to sacrifice. Of course it's hard. He promised it would be."
This sounds a little melodramatic. It's just my regular life, and one I feel shouldn't have me beaten so often, because it's so stinkin' easy compared to so many. But, the fact remains, that when Jesus calls you to something more and you answer, amidst all kinds of fear and hope, it's going to cost you. And it's going to expose your sin. And it's going to awaken a mixture of joy and sorrow that maybe you've never experienced before.
But maybe, just maybe, that's what knowing Jesus and being truly alive really means. It means being reminded of the grace we so desperately need and being in love with the One who so freely gives that grace...to us and through us.
It is humbling for me to sit here in my comfortable, safe, air-conditioned bedroom and know that somehow, if only by helping to make this opportunity available to my husband, I am a part of this. It is overwhelming to think that God blessed me by giving me a husband who would want to do this. And it is beautiful to see how God has taken plain, ordinary, broken, imperfect people and used them to make this day possible.
We all know that's what He does, but sometimes I don't think we really believe He'll do it with us.
I am just an emotional mess. I'm sleep deprived, having spent every night since Chris has been gone wrestling with kiddos...mainly one completely miserable little sicky. And the most exciting moments of my days, the ones where I get texts and calls from Africa, have mostly come at the expense of what little sleep I have been able to steal. I've gotten stressed, lost my temper, agonized over decisions that aren't going to alter eternity (as far as I know), longed for Chris to come home, and felt broken-hearted over the sad stories of people all around me and those on the other side of the world.
But I know it's been so much more physically, emotionally, and spiritually challenging for the fifteen people who are sleep deprived in the midst of challenging circumstances in Africa. While there have been such moments of rejoicing over what God is doing there, I can hear the stress and strain in my husband's voice, even when I'm only "hearing" via text.
Then there is this. This amazing picture. This beautiful picture of these men I will probably never meet who are now in possession of this little contraption that was sitting in my basement this time last week. This picture that just sums it all up. The love of God and His ability to meet every need.
I just cannot believe this is actually happening! It seems so surreal. And yet, I know it's very real, because it's hard and it's costing me something.
Now, I don't want to exaggerate my or my family's sacrifice, because it's miniscule compared to what so many have given. But today, in the midst of the emotional roller coaster of answered prayers, crying toddlers, dreams realized, lives touched in the name of Jesus, temper tantrums, sickness, fighting, struggling, prayers of countless friends, and a dinner provided to a weary momma - I had the thought: "This is what it feels like to sacrifice. Of course it's hard. He promised it would be."
This sounds a little melodramatic. It's just my regular life, and one I feel shouldn't have me beaten so often, because it's so stinkin' easy compared to so many. But, the fact remains, that when Jesus calls you to something more and you answer, amidst all kinds of fear and hope, it's going to cost you. And it's going to expose your sin. And it's going to awaken a mixture of joy and sorrow that maybe you've never experienced before.
But maybe, just maybe, that's what knowing Jesus and being truly alive really means. It means being reminded of the grace we so desperately need and being in love with the One who so freely gives that grace...to us and through us.
It is humbling for me to sit here in my comfortable, safe, air-conditioned bedroom and know that somehow, if only by helping to make this opportunity available to my husband, I am a part of this. It is overwhelming to think that God blessed me by giving me a husband who would want to do this. And it is beautiful to see how God has taken plain, ordinary, broken, imperfect people and used them to make this day possible.
We all know that's what He does, but sometimes I don't think we really believe He'll do it with us.
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