Cool Weather, Here I Come!

I was hoping to have more time to post before leaving on a week-long mission trip to Vermont, but it's been a pretty busy week. Getting yourself and your family prepared for Mommy to be gone for seven days is quite a task. Plus, I actually tried to spend a little time with my kids today since I won't get to for a while. I know. Mommy of the Year. I actually sat down and played a game with my children, and then I even returned a little later to build an impressive Lincoln Log house with Maddie. I have always loved Lincoln Logs, and now Maddie is following in my rustic cabin footsteps. Kind of ironic that I like log cabin building thingies when I am certainly not fond of roughing it.

Speaking of roughing it, I think 6 1/2 days without my family is going to be a little rough. It was either me or Chris going on this mission trip, and I sacrificially volunteered to be the one to leave our sweet, angelic children for an extended period of time while Chris will be livin' it up in Alabama with our little cherubs. Actually, I think the decision came around the time that he was gone for two solid weeks earlier in the summer. It's a little difficult to make a rational decision after five days solo with three kids and no schedule to keep them busy, plus being pregnant. So, I quickly raised my hand when asked who would go. Of course, I was also deeply moved to go and share the gospel with unchurched children...okay, so maybe that part came a little after I almost went insane cleaning up after yet another meal and herding my kids like cattle into the bathtub. When I asked my doctor if it would be okay for me to go on this trip at 30 weeks pregnant, I easily convinced him that it would be easier for me to go rather than stay home with my own kids all week while Chris went on the trip. It's a no-brainer!

But now, a mere 15 hours before my plane departs, I start wondering at my decision. I dread saying goodbye to the kids and know that tears will threaten to burst from my eyeballs when I do. I've been cherishing sweet moments with them today, like I should everyday. It just seems a little easier to do so when you know you won't be able to for many days ahead...or when you picture yourself plunging to a fiery death in an airplane and never seeing your kids again. Yes. I'm a psycho, but I'm pretty sure I've already let all of you in on that little secret. I'm not nearly as fearful as I once was, thanks be to God, but anytime a big event like this trip approaches, I wonder if something tragic might happen. I am sad at the thought of my children not having a mama (although I'm not a really great one, and Chris could probably find a pretty decent substitute). I comfort myself with the happy thought that I could drop dead at any moment and leave them motherless. It doesn't have to be on an airplane or when I'm hundreds of miles away. Yes, I'm just a ray of sunshine.

Really, though, we're all in God's hands. He can keep us safe while we're states away, just as he can allow something to part us when we're in the same room, doing nothing in particular. I can choose to live in fear of when and what tragedy will befall us, or I can choose to trust my Heavenly Father that He is good and His plans are good...and that no matter what happens, we have the hope of eternity with Him, where tragedy will no longer exist. Most days, I am making a conscious decision to choose the latter, as I've lived many miserable years choosing the former, and it didn't work out so well for me. I tend to go with what works. I'm a genius like that.

Later on today, I will kiss my babies and my sweet husband adios and head to cooler weather (another not-so-shabby perk of this trip) and hopefully to make an impact for Christ. I don't have much to offer, but I serve a God who has everything to offer. I am hoping and praying that He will show up and change lives for the better, even though what we're going to do seems rather small in most people's eyes, including my own. I'm also hoping and praying that I survive to post on my blog...and kiss my babies and husband...again.


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