I have a confession to make, which you probably already suspected by the clever title I used for this post. Okay, so I have to confess that I don't really believe in heaven and hell and Jesus and Satan. Before you think I've completely lost it, let me explain.

I've been kind of pushing an issue under the rug lately. The fact is, I NEVER share my belief in Jesus with people. Okay, VERY VERY VERY RARELY do I share with an unbeliever (or someone who thinks they're a believer because they've been to church more than once in the past 20 years) about Jesus and His gospel. And I really think that we live for what we believe. I say I believe that Jesus exists, is the Son of God, died to make payment for a debt of sin I could never pay, and was raised from the dead and lives today. I say I believe that He is the one and only way to a right relationship with God Almighty and that without trusting in and following Him, you'll spend eternity cursed by God in hell with no way out. But I have this gnawing feeling in my heart because I recognize the fact that I go to Bible study, I pray and seek God, I try to do nice things for others (even those who are different than me), but I rarely share my faith with anyone who I know or suspect doesn't know Jesus.

I've prayed in the past, "Lord, give me a heart for the lost, because I don't have one." What I'm really seeking, I think, is a feeling for people that will overcome the feeling of discomfort I have that makes me NOT want to talk to them about Christ. I want an emotional love for people that will compel me to put my inhibitions and fears aside and engage with them. Listen to Paul's words concerning the lost in Romans 9.

1I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it in the Holy Spirit— 2I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. 3For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race, 4the people of Israel.

Obviously, he felt great emotion and anguish over his fellow Jews who were bound for hell. However, I think I use my lack of feeling and emotion as an excuse for not talking to others about what Jesus has done in my life. There's a quote from Piper that really hits home with me regarding this waiting on emotion to obey.

"Have you ever wondered what it feels like to have a love for the lost? This is a term we use as part of our Christian jargon. Many believers search their hearts in condemnation, looking for the arrival of some feeling of benevolence that will propel them into bold evangelism. It will never happen. It is impossible to love “the lost”. You can’t feel deeply for an abstraction or a concept. You would find it impossible to love deeply an unfamiliar individual portrayed in a photograph, let alone a nation or a race or something as vague as “all lost people”.

Don’t wait for a feeling or love in order to share Christ with a stranger. You already love your heavenly Father, and you know that this stranger is created by Him, but separated from Him, so take those first steps in evangelism because you love God. It is not primarily out of compassion for humanity that we share our faith or pray for the lost; it is first of all, love for God.”
~John Piper

So, we see that we should have a burning anguish for the lost, but we should also just obey God because we love Him and believe Him. So many times actual obedience comes before "feeling like" being obedient. He commands us to share our faith, but we act like it's a suggestion for any who feel lead by emotion to do so or who don't feel too inadequate or who are super-Christians. My actions say at least one of the following:

1. I don't love God.
2. I don't believe God.
3. I don't love others, which means I don't love God.

None of those are good options. But what am I going to do about it? I know what I should do, but will I do it? Good question. I feel like I won't, but I pray that I will. I am glad that God is making me uncomfortable about this whole thing and I must trust that by His grace He will enable me to obey. Maybe I will lead someone to Christ someday, or maybe I will truly know that I believe what I say I believe, whether anyone else decides to accept His gift or not.


  1. You hit home with me, sister! Thanks for being so transparent and letting God use you. :)


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