Consider My Head Officially Messed With

Lots of words and no pictures. That's me lately. It makes sense that I share no pictures with you today, because the lovely pictures we took at Christmas are still on my camera, untouched. So, you're stuck with words. Hope you're a fan of them.

Do you ever read books that mess with your head? I've been reading more than normal lately. I think it was the whole it's Christmas time and most of my other obligations are on hold for now thing. My reading list of late (which could include the last couple of weeks, or the last year...sometimes it takes me a while to get through something, what with all the laundry and dishes and kids who like to eat stuff) has included:

The Attributes of God by A.W. Tozer. Big fan. Of God and Tozer. Obviously, God ranks higher, but Tozer sure does do an amazing job of talking about Him. You get the feel, when you read a little Tozer, that he actually knows God. A good writer always knows his subject!

When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes. Oh my word. This knocked my socks off. I don't know if you ever do this, but I have some friends in my life who, when we get together, love to discuss suffering. I know. We're a barrel of laughs. But, come on. That's the tough stuff. We talk about the questions that most people think at one point or another in their life, regarding God and all the horrible, unfathomable suffering that goes on in this world. This book didn't put some pat little churchy answer out there, pat you on the back, and wish you well. It cut deep. I must read it again soon. With a highlighter in my hand.

Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I know, everyone's read it. This is the third or fourth time I've read it, and I always find something new to ponder, or something old that I need to re-ponder. Like Tozer, you get the feeling that my buddy Francis has actually spent some fruitful time with the Almighty. Yes. We're buddies. I just don't think Francis knows it yet.

humility: The Journey Toward Holiness by Andrew Murray. I haven't finished this one yet, which will seem silly if you've ever seen it. It's tiny, but it's deep. I can already tell I'm going to be rereading this for the rest of my life. What have I learned about humility so far? I don't have it (nor, frankly, do many people I know) and I need it. Hopefully I'll feel like sharing some of it with you soon so you can join me in the exciting and always fun activity of feeling conviction by the Holy Spirit.

Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I'm about 2/3 of the way through this one. It's edgy and controversial and it's messing with my head. I wish I hadn't read it, I think, but think maybe we all should, just to make ourselves think.

And, last, but not least: The Bible by God. Specifically, a little Ezekiel and 1 Peter.

I'm feeling like a little bit of a super Christian with all these God books on my list...and a little smart and stuff since my list is quite lengthy. (Yes, when I finish this, I'm going to read more of that humility book.)

But, the truth is, all these things mess with my head, not just the edgy one, though that one does take the top "Messing With My Head" award. I've got to go read those four little books known as the Gospels again, because I'm back in that place where I think I've missed something critical in this whole being a Christian thing. You might know what I'm talking about. Maybe you've read Crazy Love or Radical and you come away kind of on this "Jesus really meant what He said and my life needs to change big time" high. And then you go back to the laundry room or make a few trips to Walmart and you go to church for a few weeks where you really look pretty good compared to most people there, and your flame kind of dies down.

Yeah, so that's where I am. Right before the laundry and Walmart part. What I'm hoping is that, through all of these things (which is basically His Word and the example of other believers, most of whom I don't actually know), God is inching me closer to the things He wants me to be and do. What I'm sometimes a little afraid of is that I'm missing it because I'm too comfortable and scared and I just can't fathom what it is exactly I should be doing.

So, I guess I'll ask the One who knows and trust that if He wants me living in the projects or in Africa that He'll tell me...and give me LOTS of grace. I mean truckloads. And if He wants me doing crazy things from right here, that He'll tell me...and help me to think of them and then actually carry them out. Because I'm pretty sure He wants us doing crazy stuff. Just trying to figure out His definition for crazy in my life.

Hope you read some of these books and they mess with your head and you can share some wisdom with me. Or at least sympathize with the headache I'm on the verge of. Happy Reading!!


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