Why Am I Still Awake?

I cannot count the number of times in the past 20ish years that I have promised myself upon waking up tired and grumpy in the morning that I would DEFINITELY go to bed earlier that night. I will try to convince myself that it absolutely WILL happen, no matter what...which brings me some comfort in my grogginess and something to hope for. I cannot imagine why that would give me any comfort because I almost never follow through with my promise to myself.

It seems God has wired me to be a night owl, whether I like it or not. There are many nights, like tonight, that I AM tired and the thought of bedtime is inviting, yet I cannot let things go. Since I have adopted my new, laid-back, it-can-wait-until-tomorrow approach to life, I seem to let things go for approximately 48 hours. At that point, my natural, anal, stressed-out self returns and all things that have been "let go" for that 2-day time period must now be done, no matter the cost.

However, God has a sense of humor, for while He created me to be a neat-freak, gotta-have-it-done-yesterday kinda girl, He also fashioned me so that I actually don't like to work. So, here is what happens: I make my to-do list of about 10 things that I must get done in the next 1-2 days, I stress about how I will get all those things done, I complain to anyone who will listen (or to the wall) about how much I don't want to do most of the things on my list (especially if it includes cleaning bathrooms, which it almost always does), I waste my time on the computer reading blogs and/or updating my own, then I stay up really late getting the things on my list done.

Who knew there could be a clean-freak, perfectionist, and procrastinator all in one? I just have one thing to say about that...it's not easy being green, I mean - me.


  1. Hey, this is Laura (Claire's mom). I just had to comment, because oh my word! Did I write this blog? Are you me? Well, my letting-it-go fuse may be just a little longer than yours, but everything else is the same. I HATE the chores, but it drives me crazy when the house is wrecked, and if it's coming down to the wire, I get all stressed out about it. I keep saying that I either need to just be neater as a rule, or stop caring so much! But failing both at the same time is exhausting!

  2. Hmmm...I'm reading this at 1am...having waited until about 11pm to finish the laundry and clean the kitchen. And I was complaining to my husband about being tired now that Evan is sleeping through the night.
    Love the blog - wish I could remember to keep mine up....

  3. So glad I'm not the only one!


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