The Baby Blues...A Little Early

ADDENDUM: I must say, before you read the following (if you haven't already), that I have a very sweet friend and a very sweet sister-in-law who both entertained Luke and I this past week. Those were much bigger highlights of my week than a root canal. However, the fact that I overlooked these events in my original post just makes me more negative and psycho than I first thought. Thank you, dear ladies, for sticking with me through thick, thin, and crazy. Love you!

ORIGINAL POST: I have stayed away from blogging because, frankly, I didn't want to pull anyone else into the cesspool of blues than I already had. I don't know what's going on with me, but I've been feeling a lot like I usually do after I have a baby...only I haven't had a baby yet. Dear Lord, let this be getting things out of the way early and not a sign of things to come...for the sake of my family.

Hormones or moodiness or depression or just plain psychosis is so annoying. I can feel that I'm out of sorts and know there is no reason for it in my mind, but I still cannot seem to control my emotions or my tongue! My children are probably ready to have me committed and my husband is probably ready to send me packing, and despite the fact that I know this, I'm still acting ridiculously...well, ridiculous.

This all seemed to start when Chris and the kids went back to school, leaving poor little Luke and I at home with nothing to do but laundry, clean the house, and play with toys. We are usually pretty busy, but, for some reason, the past few weeks we've had a serious lack of important things to do. I really hate the fact, but cannot deny it, that I am not a happy or nice person when I feel trapped at home for days on end. It's really saying something that the highlight of the last two weeks was my root canal. Pathetic. And, while I know that we are super-blessed to have plenty to eat and a roof over our heads, the last three years of financial tightness just came to a head for me. Basically, I think when I'm at home with nothing to do, my pessimistic and incredibly selfish mind just turns to things that are wrong or stressful, and it snowballs from there.

Now I'm going to add to my blue attitude by the shame of having shared all this boring gobbledy-goop with the bloggy world, but I guess I'm hoping to get all this out there and move on with life...acting totally sane. Not likely, I guess, considering I never act totally sane, but let's just say as sane as I normally act. That would be a huge improvement. Thank the Lord that Bible study starts on Monday for me, so I have to at least pretend to be sane and nice for one day a week.

Really, though, as Sam's arrival nears, say a little prayer for me...and mainly for my poor family. I am truly praying that we can make it through those first few weeks of his precious life without an atomic bomb going off in our home courtesy of good ole Mom. Now all of you see why I'm not one to do the self-imposed eight weeks home with a newborn like some very responsible and germ-conscious moms do. Let's just say the greatest risk for my babies is not germs but that Mommy will go to the Looney Bin before their two-month birthday. Okay, now that I sound totally psycho and phones are dialing the number for DHR, I'm going to muster all the energy I have, lug my big belly to the kitchen, and try to cook a meal that does not consist of chicken nuggets for my kids. Go ahead...mail in your recommendations today to the Mom of the Year committee, because you have now located the prime candidate. I would also like to add to my list of recommedable qualities...I'm a yard-saler. I never go to yard sales, but, at Maddie's request, we went to two whole yardsales this morning and I got Sam six outfits and/or onesies plus six little bibs for $3.50. That's me...frugal and totally sane and a gourmet cook. Please hold your applause.