Martha Stewart Ain't Got Nothin' On Me

Twice a year, I attempt to meet my quota of Suzy Homemakerishness. Yesterday, I closed out the year on my cutesy projects with a little baking fun. Just in case I've given you the impression that I cannot do anything that is even remotely impressive, I give you evidence to refute that. Prepare to be impressed.

Step 1: Go buy something Christmasy that will make your project look cute no matter what. Hello, Michael's.

Step 2: Line them up and take a picture of them. It will look impressive on your blog.
Step 3: Get all your ingredients, stack them up in an appealing manner and take another picture. It seems that's what people do when they're preparing a recipe on a blog or showing off what they've gotten for $.05 on their recent couponing excursion to Publix.

Step 4: Carefully follow a recipe, double and triple checking the ingredients and their measurements, because you know how likely it is that you're going to screw this up.

Step 5: Realize you are ill-prepared and do not have an adequate number of eggs. Wait for your husband to bring more because there's no way you're dragging two little kids out on a cold, rainy day for a few measly eggs. Ask him to pick up a rotisserie chicken, too, because there's no way you're going to want to cook dinner after baking all day.

Step 6: Pour your carefully prepared batter into your cute dishes and bake for 20 minutes. Then bake for another 5 minutes, then 3 more, then 4 more.

Step 7: Start praying that the middles will get done before the outside burns, because you just can't bear the thought of all that time and all those ingredients going to waste, not to mention the fact that you can't impress your friends if you give them half-baked pumpkin bread. Reduce the temp and cook a few minutes more.

Step 8: Thank the Lord that in His great mercy, He cooked them just right.

Step 9: Totally forget to take a picture of the fresh out of the oven pumpkin bread because you're in the middle of cooking three other things while holding a one-year-old and telling a three-year-old, "Just a minute," for the 597th time.

Step 10: Rope your daughter into helping you with a "fun" project. When she gets tired of it after completing three out of fourteen packages, rope your husband into helping you finish. It's okay. It happens everytime. He's come to expect it.

Step 11: Give your cute baked goodies away so you won't eat them all and so everybody will be super-impressed with all the amazing things you do. Don't tell them you only do it twice a year and that your husband still really needs his pants ironed since you spent the whole day making cute baked Christmas goodies.

Don't feel bad about yourselves. I just cannot help the fact that my house is perfectly clean, my children are well-groomed and wearing matching clothes, my home smells of freshly baked goods, a made-from-scratch, completely nutricious dinner is on the table, and my children's legs are tired because they constantly rise up and call me blessed. Some of us have it and some of us don't.