Pride: It's Not Good

Pride. I hate it. God hates it. I struggle with it. I’ve written before about struggling with jealousy and that issue stems solely from pride. It's all about me.

Lately, I find myself becoming jealous over, of all things, Godly people who seem to be having more of a spiritual impact in the lives of others than I am. Ha! How ludicrous does that sound? I don't want earthly things so much anymore, so I've got to be jealous of spiritual things.

Another problem for me has been the course of my walk with God. It seems it's been made up of short, intense bursts of light followed by longer, bleak times of utter darkness. Not exactly the whole being led by streams of still waters thing going on with me. I am passionate one minute and discouraged by the look on someone else's face the next. I am depending on others and my feelings to fill up my spiritual tank.

Yesterday, I had to throw myself at God's feet yet again and beg for Him to work in me. You see, I cannot change these things about myself. I know that there is sin involved and I constantly seek to replace it with God's truth, but I cannot loosen the grip of the bony, creepy fingers of jealousy that tug at my heart. It's a horrible feeling.

All of this grieves me so because I know my pride hinders my intimacy with the Lord and keeps me from bringing Him glory in the way I'm meant to. Oh, but He is good. It's amazing what He will do when we STOP and CRY OUT to Him. Why is that so hard for us? We just keep going, making ourselves as busy as possible or as entertained as possible to drown out the gnawing feeling in our souls that meets us around every corner.

As I sought Him, I read about the crucifixion. I saw in the Word how Pilate gave into the cries of the crowd. His relationship with God was affected negatively by others. That's not who I want to identify with. The pride of the Pharisees made them seethe with jealousy at the spiritual impact this homeless carpenter was having on the people who had previously revered these pious leaders. I definitely don't want to identify with those guys. Jesus was not their biggest fan. The person in the story I found myself wanting to identify with was the thief hanging on the cross beside Jesus. He was helpless and crying out to God.

I've found that the key is brokenness. Humility. Becoming poor in spirit. Putting ourselves in our proper place. "She just needs to be put in her place!" has never been more true about anyone than me. When we admit our weakness and ask Him to search and cleanse our hearts, guess what? He does! I was reminded of the simplest thing as I sought Him yesterday: He loves me! He wants to wipe out my sin and replace it with His joy.

I praise Him for the victory He has given me, is giving me, and will continue to give me.

I have had my view of God changed a great deal in the last few years...His holiness and the fact that He is all about His own glory is more real to me now than before. It's just that it sounds strange, and even wrong, to say God is all about Himself. He wants all glory and honor to be His and will share it with no one else. If we said that (which is what we say all the time when we sin), we'd be arrogant and prideful. But the difference is, He deserves all glory.

But building on that, I was reading an amazing book called When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty and the author was talking about knowing God and how the trinity relates to one another. "How the Father loves the Son. How the Son pleases the Father, not himself. How the Spirit reveals the Son, never himself. How the Son reveals the Father, never pointing to Himself. The Father begets the Son, the Son honors the Father, the Spirit reveres them both. It's a kind of divine 'dying to self.'"

Astounding! Even God Himself exhibits a death to himself. A humility. What shows more humility than leaving your throne in heaven, putting on stinky flesh, and depositing yourself in an animal's dinner bowl? That's the kind of humility I need. That's the humility I want. Because the poor in spirit are blessed. Those with a contrite heart have an audience with the Almighty. Count me in. Punch my ticket, 'cause that's where I wanna go.


Popular Posts